Mr Mikey's Ladies - The Director's Cut

Spot the difference between this version of Mr Mikey's Dancing Ladies and the one on YouTube - on your right and scroll down a little. Tell me which one you prefer, sweethearts. For the reasons why they have different sound tracks, scroll down to the post called "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" and read all about it.

This is the moment in the novel that the vid (more or less) envisages:

"The Archangel Uriel took this moment to respond to Mr Mikey’s request and flung creative brilliance around him like a coat of many colours. The vision he saw before him made Michael Gorman gasp with the wonder of his own imagination: not only were there, in reality, two stunning, silver-swathed sisters sitting in his tasteful, fifties-style, pink and black themed salon, lip-syncing to one of the all time great girlie songs, but on either side of them he saw a vision of an endless row of glamorous, grown up women under an infinite line of dryers, in plastic capes, sheer stockings and stiletto heels, miming and mincing to his own camp choreography.

"That was it! The theme, the subject and the style of ‘The Ladies’ in one eighties hit: the seared soul of twenty first century woman, depressed by the demands and desires of men, repressed by the restrictions of families, but still glowing and gorgeous, ripe and ready for – well, fun. This was the reality he would reveal to audiences worldwide through the magic of the musical. He would shine the spotlight of truth on male and female relationships by way of his real life ladies and their men...."

Buy the book and enjoy the rest of my scintillating story!

Mwa mwah xxx

Madge, you're a natural woman...

When Madonna popped into Mr Mikey's, yours truly's boutique hair and beauty salon, all she wanted was a soft and snaky hairstyle that would make her look like the multi-award winning Ms Winslett.

After a mere six hours' work with foils, tongs and my secret ingredients, who could tell the difference between Kate and Madge? And what's seventeen years between friends, anyway?

But now I hear some nasty rumour mongers are suggesting my material girl superstar has been having a bit of a nip and tuck to keep that lovely face as taut and smooth as her bulging biceps.

How can anyone suggest that our Madge's youthful appearance is the result of anything more invasive than a regular workout on the yoga mat and a stress-free living environment? It's her simple, celibate life dedicated to Jesus, in the wake of dear, departed Guy, that's left Our Lady of the Flowing Locks looking ten - or is that twenty? - years younger.

But Madge, sweetheart, if you did feel a tiny bit tempted to try a little supernatural rejuvenation, remember what happened to Estelle when she made the mistake of trying collagen injections. I did give you her phone number, but if you've lost it, check her story in my book, and give yourself a relaxing laugh at the same time - that's the best way of tightening up those cheek muscles and smoothing away those naughty frown lines.

Actually, darling - how would you feel about playing Estelle in the film version of my musical masterpiece, The Ladies? The role would suit you down to the ground. Read the part and give me a bell, sweetie.

Ciao, bella - call me when you've had enough of the Kate look and we'll try an other one. xxx